Shelter in the Storm

Have you ever been caught out in a storm? Have you ever been rocking along doing whatever you're doing, when suddenly, without warning, BAM, a storm pops up? The rain comes down in sheets. You feel like Forest Gump..."there was some big ol fat rain, a little bit of sideways rain, some stinging rain, and sometimes it seems like the rain comes right up from the ground".  

My wife and I were out with some friends the other night, driving home from a night out on the town, when suddenly, BAM. You guessed it,  a storm. It began to rain so hard you could barely see the hood of the car, much less the road. Then the hail started, and it sounded as if the windows would all shatter at any moment. Lightning flashing, thunder rolling, water rising, yep it was a full fledged Texas spring thunderstorm, and admittedly a little frightening. Traffic slowed to a crawl, and drivers were leaving the interstate in search of shelter.

We managed to pull off an exit we could barely see, and find an abandoned truck stop with a partially intact awning where the pumps used to be. We shared this tiny space with what seemed like twenty other cars packed tightly under the thin sheet metal roof.

We were trying to get home. Home, where my two teenage children were. Teenage children who were not accustomed to being home alone, much less during an intense storm. I tried over and over to reach them by phone, but my attempts were in vain. No answer. I just wanted to know they were alright, and to let them know we would be there soon. 

No answer.

There we sat. Totally Isolated from home. Stuck in the storm. Waiting for it to pass. How long would it last? When will we get to go home and check on our kids? My thoughts were locked on HOME. 

I just wanted to be home.

The thought occurs to me that spiritually I have been sitting here under this flimsy shelter for far too long. Outside the storm is raging. The water is rising. the rain is coming down in buckets. The hail is as large as baseballs. The lightening is striking all around. Here I sit. Wondering how long it will last. Trying to phone home, but seemingly getting no answer. I feel very vulnerable. I just want to be home.

I know many of you feel the same. You have become isolated in the storm. Maybe you can't even see the road you're traveling on anymore, and you're longing for the safety of Home. It can be a paralyzing event. 

Sometimes you just have to throw caution to the wind and move.

There was a brief lull in the activity, and we decided it was now or never. We decided to chance it. We chose to leave the relative safety of the shelter, and move towards home. 

The storm made the same decision.

The second wave may have been even more furious than the first, but we were unwavered. Forward. Through the storm and all of it's fury. Until finally, HOME, and rest.

Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right...

Here I am, stuck in the middle with you. Do you remember that song? Some of you are far too young, but it is one of those songs that has stuck with me for years. I don't even remember who sang it(if you do please tell me). But those are powerful lyrics.  That song really didn't mean too much to me when I was a kid, but recently has taken on enormous significance. 

I have been coasting along quite effortlessly for some time now, spiritually at least.  I have moved beyond my former roles and responsibilities within the institution we call church, and have settled into a, well, a rut I guess. It seems the more I try to move beyond those boundaries, the more I find myself back in the middle of them. 

I have been reminded of that reality today once again. I spent most of the afternoon, quite unexpectedly, engrossed in dialogue that centered on, you guessed it, church. Honestly, I am weary of the subject matter, but alas here I am yet again trying to swim up that waterfall of a topic. I have to ask myself...why?

Not sure I have the answer to that one either. Maybe I am a glutton for punishment. Maybe I feel that I have some unfinished business. Or maybe, like those lyrics suggest, there are Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right, here I am stuck in the middle with you.

And maybe, just maybe, that is God's plan after all. There are plenty of religious clowns and jokers out there, pitching their wares. Throwing sappy cliches and spiritual terminology at you. They have answers for everything, like circus clowns piling out of a VW, there never seems to be an end. Zapping the life right out of you. Have you had enough?

I know I have. 

But still, there is something deep within. Burning. Driving. Looking for release. Do you know what I'm saying? If so, maybe, just maybe, I'm stuck in the middle with YOU.

Thought Pizza

Well It's 1:45am and I'm wide awake. Tried to sleep but can't, too much on my mind so I'll write. Not that anyone will ever read this but the exercise will do me good. Nothing in particular is robbing me of my precious slumber, but rather a "thought pizza" is the culprit. You know how it is, your mind jumps from one ingredient to another, adding textures and flavors. Tonight my pizza would have to be a "Supreme", for there are many toppings.

I've moved from the usual dream stealer, what am I going to do tomorrow, to what is the weather going to do on Saturday, am I going to have to postpone the show because of rain (it's an outdoor variety and the weather this week has been rain, rain, and more rain, and they are calling for more this weekend)? I've been planning this event for months now and it comes down to this. And yes, it is totally beyond my control.

At times like this my thoughts inevitably turn to matters of faith. I don't know why, they just do. Maybe to be more precise they turn to matters of doubt. And on this topic I could spend hours. I am after all, quite proficient on the subject matter. Tonight's doubt pizza is running the gamut from the rainy forecast, to questioning my motivations for doing a show in the first place. Is it because I truly wish to explore the possibilities of somehow sharing my faith with those who have no faith(at least as I know it), or reaching out to the community at large by raising awareness of local charities? Both sound very noble indeed, but is this truly my motivation? Or is something more sinister lurking just beneath the surface? Am I looking for recognition? Connection? Meaning? Or something entirely other?

Doubt.

For me at least, most of the time I am perfectly content. Content with my faith. Content with my beliefs. Content with my understanding of what it means to be a follower of Christ. Content with God. Most of the time. Then there are times like this, when the usual contentedness is replaced with an incessant doubt. What if what I have believed most of my life is wrong? What if I have missed the entire point? What if.....? What do I really believe anyway? And does it really matter? Let's face it, there are hundreds of "religions" out there to choose from, and even in my own chosen religion, there are hundreds of denominations that can't agree on much of anything concerning our "faith". So who is right? We all believe "we" are right....just ask us. Better yet, we will tell you before you can even ask. We will do our denominational dance for you to help make our point. We get it. Or do we?

Doubt.

Now before you begin to write your anonymous responses to my Satanic letter, I know the Sunday School answers here. I could quote numerous scripture verses to squash this nonsensical rambling. And if you are feeling angry, and in need of correcting my doubts, why is that? Why do we feel threatened when someone raises questions of doubt? Perhaps this is in part why we have become ineffective at doing anything significant for the vast majority of people living on this planet. People living in poverty, disease, famine, and ignorance. They are dying, while we try to convince ourselves we are right. Right to complain about our President. Right to complain about our economy. Right to complain about our church leaders. Right about what we say we believe. Are we?

I doubt it.